Grace

"Most Christians are like a man who was toiling along the road, bending under a heavy burden, when a wagon overtook him, and the driver kindly offered to help him on his journey. He joyfully accepted the offer, but when seated, continued to bend beneath his burden, which he still kept on his shoulders. "Why do you not lay down your burden?" asked the kind-hearted driver. "Oh!" replied the man, "I feel that it is almost too much to ask you to carry me, and I could not think of letting you carry my burden too." And so Christians, who have given themselves into the care and keeping of the Lord Jesus, still continue to bend beneath the weight of their burden, and often go weary and heavy-laden throughout the whole length of their journey." Hannah Whitall Smith - The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. NIV

God doesn't want us to be weighed down with burdens and thoughts of past sins. He came to deliver us - He delights in restoring our broken relationship with Him. How stubbornly we hold onto what we "deserve", forgetting that He paid the price on Calvary for our sins. So why is it so difficult for us to accept the grace that God so freely offers? Could it be because it doesn't make sense to us in our human limited minds? We don't forgive that easily...so how could God? And yet, even I, in my humanness, have no problem forgiving someone who is truly sorry for the mistakes they have made. Why would I think that God wouldn't forgive a truly repentant heart? Or is it that we have a hard time forgiving ourselves? Human pride keeps us from letting ourselves off the hook - we should have known better, done better, been perfect.

"The purpose of grace is not to make us perfect but to show us our need for a Savior, then show us the Savior we need, then create in us a burning desire to be more like Him. Jesus' life in us will become evident as we open ourselves to His grace, but in this life, our fallenness is interwoven with our humanness, and will be imperfect until we're home." Nancy Groom - From Bondage to Bonding.

Happy New Year

When couples come into my office for marriage counseling my first job is to determine why they are really there. Many times one spouse has dragged the other one in kicking and screaming…they really don’t want to be there, but have conceded because they want their marriage to work. Others come into counseling saying that they want to work on their marriage, but in reality, they just want me to help them convince their spouse that they are right about whatever disagreement they are having. Sometimes couples come in stating very clearly that they are only there because they want to be able to say they tried everything to save their marriage so that they don’t feel guilt when they divorce.

No matter what their initial reason for entering counseling I ask a series of questions that help all of us determine where the marriage is and if the marriage can be saved. It would help if all couples asked themselves these questions from time to time. I have found that if both people are willing to work there is no marriage that is beyond help, but it takes dedication and hard work.

If you are having difficulty in your marriage, or even if you are not, sit down with your spouse and talk about these four questions:

1. On a scale of 1 – 10, with 1 being “the worst marriage you have ever seen,” and 10 being “marital bliss,” how would you rate your current relationship?
2. On the same scale, where would you like your marriage to be?
3. What would need to change in your relationship to move it from where it is to where you would like it to be?
4. On another 1-10 scale, with 1 being “I am ready to get out,” and 10 being “I’ll do whatever it takes” …how willing are you to invest what it takes to change your marriage?

We often buy into the fairy tale that “they got married and lived happily ever after.” Don’t fall for it!! They call it a fairy tale for a reason. Marriage is work and an investment. We only get out of it what we are willing to invest!